Dear you,
There is absolutely no shame in wanting to do this for yourself. For self-love and self-respect, for regaining belief and trust in one’s self.
To rebuild the foundation that once rooted you to the ground. But not to your higher purpose.
You do not have to be a “giver” to be deemed worthy of this path. You do not have to be the trailblazing activist. You do not have to be dedicatedly of service to other people–not initially, at least.
You see, I used to believe that I had to be Mother Teresa on this journey. I was looking around me and several of my peers had that heart of service. Which instantly got me thinking, “Of course, they’re spiritual! Of course, they’re more closely connected to God or a higher being. They’re always giving back no matter what.”
So, what was wrong with me? It’s not like I was heartless and didn’t care about people in need. I helped whenever I could with whatever I had at the time. But I eventually realized that I was forcing it.
Donate, so that you don’t feel guilty about the unfortunate happenings. Volunteer, because you’re a graduate from a school that molds you to be an agent of social change. Help for the sake of helping – and when someone asks about your contribution, you have something to say and no one will be able to take anything against you.
Sounds shitty, right?
Unfortunately, that’s how it is for some people. It may even apply to you. And as I said earlier, there is absolutely no shame in that. You are heading towards the right direction anyway. It’s better than not doing anything at all; or worse, blatantly mocking everyone and everything about it.
The tricky bit about having a heart of gold and of service to others is meaning it – genuinely and sincerely caring about the cause. Because you will always know the right thing to do (I know I did), but the true passion that ignites that part of your soul for service doesn’t light up overnight.
It is through the journey of self-love and eventually, spirituality, that I managed to do that. For a while, the guilt for not “sincerely” serving ate up a lot of my headspace. I kept wondering, “Why?”
Why was I not out on the streets rallying for an advocacy I care about? Why was I not talking about relevant current events on social media like my peers? Why was I not creating initiatives like fundraisers to amplify a charity’s benevolent message?
The answer was as simple as: because I was not whole. My cup wasn’t filled. So, there was little to no genuine care and service to offer to someone else, more so the world. You can’t serve from an empty cup. Well, technically, you can, but it leaves you exhausted beyond belief. (hello, activism burnout).
The more that I nourished myself emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually, the more that I felt the strong urge to exert time, energy, and effort into giving back to those in need, contributing to causes for the greater good.
I also realized that every person had their own way of being of service. There are more vocal individuals leading the crusade, while others–myself included–are quiet (but never silent) supporters of the cause.
As I go deeper into my own journey, I uncover more of my authentic self – ie. I’m not a social media person, ergo I don’t spend much time on it as I used to and choose not to focus on sharing my voice + truth there. To each their own!
So, I hope that you don’t buy into the false belief that you are less worthy of receiving abundance and blessings from the universe just because you do not have a heart of gold and service… for now.
There may be a voice in your head convincing you of being selfish. That’s not true. You have to serve yourself first before serving others. As they instruct on airplanes, put your oxygen mask first. That way, you literally can live to help others.
I don’t care how far along you are, if you have just discovered the meaning of “manifestation” or have hoarded a ton of oracle cards: you are doing amazing wherever and whenever you are in life.
In your own way, at your own pace, in your own timeline.
Know that I am always rooting for you and cheering you on.
Above all, I love you. In the purest and unconditional form.
Wholeheartedly, and without a shadow of a doubt,
Bella Dyosa 
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