Bella Dyosa

The end.

Jk HAHAHAHAHA.

Look, online dating and dating apps have pretty much become the norm since the boom of Tinder (or at least for my generation).

Yes, dating websites have been around since the 90s, but it probably wasn’t everyone’s most popular choice to search for love at the time.

Nowadays, there are multiple websites and apps that cater to different individuals. And that’s lovely, of course. There is absolutely no shame in the existence of online dating.

Dating is tough in general, so if using the virtual method makes it easier for you, wonderful! If not, I’m here to tell you that it’s not the end of the world.

I mean, I’m a failed candidate myself.

Shoutout to anyone who recognizes the person in the meme above. You are definitely one of my people. 🤪

Anyway, yep. You guessed it. It’s story time again. Choosing not to online date came from two unsuccessful attempts at it.

The first one was when I was 25 and the second one was when I was 30. Both were different experiences in terms of my overall self-esteem.

I was more insecure at 25 and lowkey peer pressured into trying a dating app. To be completely honest, I tried it so that everyone can just shut the fuck up and get off my back about dating already HAHAHAHAHA.

Since I don’t want to name-drop the app, let’s just describe it briefly. I felt more at ease using it because the ball is in the woman’s court (at the time). I can choose to message the person I match with first or not.

The ball of anxiety in me basically wanted to control the overall direction of the conversation. And hello, what if I freaking swiped right accidentally on someone I didn’t like? THEN WE MATCH??? DOOMSDAY, ANYONE????

Tenor.com

In any case, it was a mediocre experience. I did talk to a few guys, but none of the conversations turned into dates. I vaguely remember one guy having a great sense of humor. The banter was just starting when he suddenly ghosted me.

Online dating challenges, amirite?

Maybe he found someone else with a better sense of humor, I don’t know. Eventually, I kept running out of potential matches and I deleted the app.

I tried, didn’t I? My friends no longer had a reason to pester me about it.

So, why in God’s name did I change my mind five years later? Well, growth. I built a more solid foundation with my self-esteem and gained confidence. Naturally, I got curious.

Plus, almost every close friend of mine found the love of their life through online dating. I thought my luck could turn around. You never know. Maybe–just maybe–this time, it won’t be as nerve-racking.

Chase Clark on Unsplash.com

And it wasn’t. Because I knew my worth and my value–what I can offer to the dang table–I took no bullshit.

So what if he thought I was weird? Next.

So what if he ghosts me? Good riddance.

So what if he turned out to be a complete asshole? Good–the fuck–bye!

But I gotta tell y’all, this time around, it was fucking exhausting. Truly. Probably because a lot more people are on the app compared to five years prior. I almost never ran out of potential matches, it was flabbergasting.

They say, “oh, there are plenty of fish in the sea”. CLEARLY, whoever coined that phrase never heard of quality over quantity. There may be a ton of selection, but are any of them worth your time or energy?

Hell no.

I got Jack sitting up here with the audacity as high as Mount Fuji to body shame and face shame women in his profile.

If I were to give anyone online dating advice, it’d be you have to have tough skin. Ain’t no way you’re going to survive that 10th circle of hell if you’re sensitive.

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Not that being sensitive is a bad thing–I’m quite emotional myself–it just means that online dating isn’t for you. Ergo, why I’m writing this post in the first place.

You can safely assume that I barely made it out of the dating app alive. Just doom-swiping and conversing, repeat–yup, zero dates again. But I’m glad I still gave it a go one last time before completely shunning it.

Curiosity almost killed the cat. However, said cat is an experiential learner, so she had no choice but to try things out herself.

If you’re reading this and on the fence about online dating, it wouldn’t hurt to give it a shot IF you’re genuinely curious about what it’s like and have a clear intention or goal.

On the other hand, if you’re coming from a place of lack and desperation, yielding to external pressure, I strongly recommend giving it a hard pass.

It’s just not the best place to be when you’re not in your most authentic and empowered self, boo. Trust me. Don’t waste your prettiest years on a draining activity.

Yaniv Knobel on Unsplash.com

As cheesy as it sounds, I’m a strong believer of the saying, “What’s meant for you will never pass you by.” Especially after my two failed attempts at online dating.

I’m just not cut out for it. And I’m okay with that. It’s more than okay to hit it and quit it in this context lol.

I think I was always meant to meet the love of my life in an old-school-Serendipity-the-movie style anyway. Perhaps during one of my travels, like how I unexpectedly but oh so magically made a couple of friends on my Singapore trip.

That can be the case for you too. We never know what life or the universe has in store for us!

In the meantime, all we can do is enjoy the present moment, fill our own cup to the brim and let those around us plus the world benefit from the overflow.

Admittedly, loneliness does strike every now and then. But take this as a sign to take extra care of yourself and tend to yourself more.

Pelin Şan on Unsplash.com

Before I officially wrap this up, I would like to make an important PSA.

To all the friends, relatives, loved ones, etc., projecting their own insecurities and forcing single people around them to just get on the online dating game already–and this is going to be a whole lot of tough love–please mind your own damn business and make better choices for your own fucking self first.

I said what I said.

I know y’all mean well. But if your advice or insight was not explicitly requested, lock that pretty mouth and throw the key in the ocean. That way, everyone stays in their own lane and we achieve world peace. Remember: we’re all on our unique journeys and timelines here.

So, stop trying to make fetch happen. It’s not going to happen.

Okay? Okay.

Thank you~ 😘