Bella Dyosa

Primary photo credit: Magenta on Unsplash.com

“Comparison is the thief of joy,” ol’ Theodore Roosevelt once said.

Which comes as no surprise as I first heard this quote from an American. So, it totally tracks lol.

Dealing with envy these days is the trickiest rabbit hole in existence. It’s literally at the palm of your hands almost all the time aka your phone.

Side note: this is why I’m chronically offline – at least on social media.

I’m not here to demonize social media, because it has its positives–hello, meme culture? Yo girl loves a good meme. But of course, when used excessively and inauthentically, it’s the comparison trap Satan himself probably built with unwavering pride.

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Don’t even get me started on the offline comparison game, because that one has another added layer of fresh hell. Real-life peers cut deep since you hear about their fabulous lives from a friend or worse, your parents.

Nothing like a good ol’ Asian parent pat on the back like, “Have you heard about so-and-so who’s a doctor now?? Oh, and she’s married to the CEO of this organic food company in the States. Her parents get to travel back and forth to them, all expenses paid, so freely~ OoOoOoHhHhHh~ So glam~ So lush~ So GORGEOUS~”

Okay, so maybe they don’t sound exactly like that. But the radio waves in a lot of Asian children’s receptors receive it that way. Like dad, I’m sorry I can’t freaking rent out a five-bedroom condo overlooking Central Park for you. At least I’m not in jail or in multi-level marketing. Bigger picture, aight?

But of course, we’re not going to take that personally. Or at least, try not to. Because if you take their storytelling at face value, it’s just gossip. Whether or not they are implying something else is entirely their business. Unless they actually spell it out to you word for word.

Anyway, I digress. This post is about overcoming comparison. A struggle that a ton of people can relate to, from Boomers and Gen Xers to Millennials and Gen Zs. No one is exempt from the green-eyed monster. It’s an innate human emotion.

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This is something that I continue to work on and am very mindful of (yipee @ my Scorpio placements). For the sake of my personal growth and self-worth. After a while, it gets exhausting anyhow.

To constantly just be looking at someone else’s highlight reel and then beating yourself up for your bloopers or behind-the-scenes footage like… we gotta give our brains a freaking break. It’s shittier when the cycle is on loop, then you lie in bed with existential dread.

I understand that. I’ve been there. But there comes a point where you have to dust yourself off and see what you can do about it. Why? Because, like it or not, it actually does get easier to not fall into the comparison trap.

So, once upon a time, there was a girl (me, obvs) who used to doomscroll like CRAZY on Instagram. As a result, she gradually felt like shit and utterly drained right after. Then, at some point, she reaches the peak of tiredness and decides to delete the app on her phone. Only to reinstall it after a few days. Repeat. End scene.

Cute, right?

No, bitch.

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It’s cute in an “OMG, look at this montage of past me dealing with an unhealthy situation with an evidently defective coping mechanism” kind of way.

Once it had been brought to the attention of present me (at the time) though, not so cute. Regardless, I did forgive that part of myself, I sent them love and compassion. The next step? Doing what nourishes the soul and nervous system.

Which varies per person. Me staying out of Instagram unless necessary (some of my friends are more active there for conversations) is MY conscious choice. It doesn’t have to be yours.

If it feels right for you to stay out of social media, then stay out of social media. If it feels better to regulate your use of it, go ahead and do that. What works for me won’t necessarily work for you. Dealing with envy is personal, much like overcoming anything in life.

Just don’t be a piece of shit and start trolling with hate comments on random people’s accounts. Look for a healthy outlet and stick to it. It’ll be worth it, I promise you.

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Real talk: social media comparison is just the tip of the iceberg. You can’t uninstall real people and real stories out of your life like apps on a phone. As much as we wish we could (Black Mirror style), it’s not possible.

So, how do we face comparison when it’s no longer at the hands of an algorithm? Turn it into inspiration.

I once had a friend who told me that instead of putting myself down about another person’s life, get inspired. Easier said than done, I know. And it’s crucial to acknowledge and process the feelings of envy and defeat in your system before zooming out. Never bypass that step!

But that insight struck a chord with me. Later on, it even echoed with a former spiritual mentor. And I quickly realized that they had a point.

There is a reason why envy or jealousy rises in us. It’s because someone else has something–a job, clothes, a specific experience, a lifestyle–that you don’t currently have, but deeply desire.

The presence of that desired object or subject alone is a beautiful miracle. I sound like an overly zealous spiritual teacher or leader, but FOCUS hahahahaha. Think about it. What you desire? It exists! That’s fucking amazing.

It’s not a figment of your imagination or a pipe dream. It’s here and it’s calling to you. Not necessarily the particular one that’s already present in someone else’s life, but a similar form out there in the wild waiting to be claimed by you. How fucking magical is that?

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The best part is that you can do something about it. Once you’ve realized the desire, inspired action is more than possible.

Want your dream job? Go for it!

Ready for a change in wardrobe? Buy the damn clothes! Or make them! IDK!!!

Aching to meet the love of your life? Fill up your cup with self-love, then get out there and seize the day! Or remain open and date at your own pace! Whatever works for you!!

Eyeing that dream destination? Book that fucking flight ASAP and hype yourself up for a new adventure!

All in the badass name of your personal growth and self-worth. You are the creator of your life. There’s nothing that you can’t do or be. Contrary to what close-minded capitalist fucks will tell you.

And if the comparison simply comes from an inherent desire to emulate said individual – to be kinder, stronger, more confident, more zen… the list can go on lol. Then, do so. It’s never too late.

Granted that there are some physical attributes like one’s height, eye color, or body type that you can’t permanently change or modify. But even those “dilemmas” have a solution.

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It’s knowing that at the end of the day, no one else can be you but you. As cheesy or as corny as it sounds. STFU and take this compliment, okay? I’m not playing around hahahahahaha.

You are unique.

I don’t care what other people say, especially the cynics. Yes, we may have similarities to other people–it’s why we are able to relate to and connect with fellow human beings.

However, you have a distinct set of traits meshed with a compilation of specific experiences that are unique to your soul blueprint. Isn’t that both wonderful and crazy? Your thumbprint alone is unique to you.

So, who the fuck said you’re supposed to be exactly like so-and-so who’s a doctor now and is married to the CEO of an organic food company in the States??????

NO ONE.

How’s that for staying in your own lane? With vibrant flare, unapologetic confidence, and relentless magic so magnetic that the entire universe stops and stares for. 😉