Bella Dyosa

Full disclosure: this is a topic that is very near and dear to my heart. Anything for breaking beauty standards and empowering women, amirite?!

Shoutout to all my fellow curvy girls! This one’s for you. 🫶🏻

I’m highly aware that whether you’re on the slimmer side or the voluptuous side, or even the muscular side, women still get flack for their bodies. As if it’s anyone’s fucking business.

However, for conciseness’ sake–because I can go OOOON and on about our struggle with body image and gaining confidence at any size–I want this to be an ode to midsize curvy gals.

So, let’s go back to the start, shall we?

Growing up, I wasn’t exactly nurtured with compliments or praises about my body size. The ideal was always slim.

The rest of the beauty standard included fair skin and Western/Caucasian features. Not only were these basic criteria in our household, they were the same outside.

Just picture it: the titos and titas remarking how beautiful my skin tone was or how cute my facial features were. BUUUUUT…

“Anak, ang chubby mo.” (Child, you’re chubby) or “Dami mo pang baby fats, noh? Di bale, mawawala din yan pag naging dalaga ka na!” (You still have a lot of baby fats, no? That’s fine, it will all go away when you become a woman!)

I know. Fucked up, right?

I even had a friend who actually told me to hold off on the salt whenever I ate my French fries (at 8 to 10 years old, jeez freaking Louise – not entirely her fault though).

Naturally, my thinking became: the skinnier, the better.

“You almost made the cut of being beautiful, but not quite. Not quite enough, Nina.”

Perception of self-worth and beauty? Down the drain.

Yuris Alhumaydy on Unsplash.com

That continued during my entire childhood AND teenhood. Even some of my early 20s.

That I was too much. That my arms were too flabby. That my stomach had too many love handles. That my thighs were too thick. That my face was too round. Overall, I was too fat.

Then, one not so ordinary day, thanks to the memories feature on Facebook, I came to a sudden realization: I was never fucking fat at all.

Like ??? I only THOUGHT I was, because everyone else’s needless opinions. I was freaking Fine™️.

Yes, capital F, Foine!! And I still am.

As this happened during the beginning stages of my self-love journey, I had a different perspective about life and health and weight etc. So, when those old pictures were brought to my attention, my brain immediately went, “Fat?? THAT was fat???? REALLY????”

From then on, I understood that perception and self-esteem were vital to loving yourself unapologetically.

And I am absolutely not fat-shaming here. We can go down a rabbit hole on all the types of connotations around the word “fat”. But the point is that it was used as a way to put me down and criticize me from a very young age.

Some may not have the same experience. Some may even look at the term “fat” and see it neutrally. However, for many of us, it was used in several unkind ways.

Julia Taubitz on Unsplash.com

We good? Great!

Now, let’s get to the riveting part of this blog post aka the bodacious goddess guide to self-love.

The fact that you’ve read this far? Amazing already.

Point is that in the grander scheme of things, other people’s standards, society’s standards, the media’s standards, even your role model’s standards do not matter.

Only YOURS.

What makes YOU feel good. What makes YOU feel sexy. What turns YOU on. What YOU find attractive about yourself.

It’s truly as simple as that.

Embracing your curves may not be easy initially–I know, because I’ve been there–but it is so worth it.

FOR REAL though: Who fucking said that wearing a size beyond small is fucking ugly????? WHO???!!??!!

The fucking consumerism bullshit of it all, that’s who.

These icky brands and corporations have the audacity to nitpick any and every single part of a woman’s body that they can make profit from. Basically creating a problem that never should have existed, so that they can swoop in and provide you with the perfect solution.

Alexander Grey on Unsplash.com

But guess what? You have the power to exclude yourself from their misleading narrative. You have the freedom to say no to their made-up problems and solutions. You have the choice to build self-worth and beauty on your own terms.

As long as you’re happy and healthy, fuck anyone who has anything to say about your gorgeous freaking body!!

Nonetheless, I do admit that loving yourself unapologetically doesn’t happen overnight. After all those years of profoundly incorrect programming of “slim is best, lean is the only sexy and beautiful”, going against that grain will take time.

If body positivity feels off at first, then don’t force it. You can always practice body neutrality. Seeing and acknowledging the parts of you as they are.

For example, your legs are strong and sturdy because they help you walk and run. Your arms are reliable because they are able to lift objects and hug the people you love. Your stomach keeps you energized by digesting all the food you eat.

Hanna Postova on Unsplash.com

Eventually, body positivity will feel natural. And if it doesn’t, that’s okay! Because at the end of the day, your worth is more than your appearance or looks.

How’s that for breaking beauty standards?

As within so without.

Your inner world doesn’t just reflect your outer world and experiences, it also mirrors your external aura and beauty.

This usually begins with your eating habits and workouts. Girl, yes. You read that right.

What matters here is (again) what makes you feel good. Be mindful of your food intake. Take notice of what energizes you and what drains you.

What cravings do you get when you feel a certain emotion? Do you tend to eat a lot when you’re stressed? What meals or snacks are you consuming out of pure habit that need to be eliminated or refined?

This is how I sorted out my own eating habits and I’m happy to report that I ingest food out of both necessity and pleasure. I love my leafy green veggies, juicy fruits, and cream of the crop bread, pasta, and meat.

Don’t even get me started on dessert! I indulge in my sweets every now and then. What’s life without at least a little bit of sugar?! And yes, the occasional fast food. One of my many effective unapologetic self-love practices.

I learned that for me, personally, moderation is key. Because depriving myself of chocolate and all the other scrumptious (though not so healthy) stuff only makes me binge.

I’m not a nutritionist, so I’m not here to dictate what percentage of vegetables, carbohydrates, and proteins you’re supposed to be eating on a daily basis. However, if hiring a professional to curate your diet will help you, then by all means, go for it!

Jason Briscoe on Unsplash.com

Then, there’s exercise. If you’re allergic to it, don’t worry. I get you, okay? Hahahahaha. I used to hate exercising. Because to me, exercise = gym.

Not that there’s anything wrong with going to the gym. It’s just not my style. After trying various forms of workouts, I found one that I enjoy immensely. Which is yoga.

She and I didn’t exactly have the greatest start, but here we are! Stronger and better together. 🧘🏻‍♀️🥰

Finding your own way to work up a sweat regularly is going to pay off in the long run. I promise you.

During the first sessions, you may feel like, “Ugh, not this again.” But, right after, you feel clearer. Maybe even relieved and soothed. It’s the endorphins, my dear.

Speaking of diet and exercise, this is a side note: I don’t weigh myself anymore. I find that it puts an unnecessary burden and pressure on my shoulders.

I remember seeing a random pic on Tumblr stating, “Your weight will fluctuate, but your value won’t.” That resonated with me, so instead of weighing myself every once in a while, I compare previous pictures or measurements.

If I don’t feel good in and about my present body, I adjust habits accordingly. If I feel the opposite, then I celebrate the lifestyle I’ve been so consistent with.

Notice how this is all up to me and no one else. That’s sovereign body image empowerment for you.

As we move deeper into our internal world of self-worth and beauty, there’s building confidence and treating yourself with kindness.

I mentioned body neutrality earlier. That’s the stepping stone to loving yourself unapologetically. Building confidence and treating yourself with kindness consistently is like entering the temple to your self-love.

The good news? It just takes knowing who you truly are and owning that authentic self to achieve it.

This is the part where you reacquaint yourself to all sides of you, from the light and shadow to the weird and mundane, strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes. Then, gradually pick those pieces up to create a solid and strong foundation of self-esteem, -love, and -worth.

Again, this doesn’t happen overnight. When you enter that temple of self-love, each individual is going to see a different environment.

Some may lay eyes on a fairly dusty building that needs a tad sprucing up. Some may witness a worn down structure that requires drastic renovation.

Whatever greets you, it’s important to meet it with grace and compassion. And no matter how long it takes, remember that the temple is precious and YOURS.

Yours to nourish. Yours to care for. Yours to protect.

Dynamic Wang on Unsplash.com

Navigating your own unapologetic self-love practices to refine and maintain that temple is a whole ass freaking journey in itself.

Thankfully, you don’t need to rush (unless you want to… but please don’t hahaha) the process. At your own pace and in your own time!

Most people recommend faking the confidence until you make it. Which is a great method. But if it it’s not for you, don’t hesitate in dropping it. You can always find another approach.

Either way, the inner work you do will certainly reflect outward. The way you carry yourself is going to be different, ergo your energy and aura? Oozing with effortless glow.

Regardless of your body type. Haters and misogynists can say whatever bullshit they want. Buuuuut we’re going to keep shining and thriving.

In a way, some of them are correct: I’m not their ideal.

Because I’m my own fucking icon.

And so are you, darling~ 😘