Bella Dyosa

I’ve always wondered what it would be like. To be with the right person.

Essay upon essay, I diligently wrote down my asks – who I sought and what I sought.

Since 2011, I fantasized, dreamed, and hoped.

Would it be in the way they speak? The way they carry themselves? The way their eyes express beyond what anyone could see?

Would it be in the way they laugh at the silliest things? Or the way their entire face lights up at the spark of joy?

Would it be in the way they kiss? Like it’s always their last.

Or the way they savor each moment? Like it’s a miracle.

Looking back, it was always the external that seemed the most important. Someone outside of me. Like I should belong to someone else rather than myself.

It took me years to realize what I wanted and who I wanted – what it meant to be with the right person.

To be with the right person, I must become the right person. Not for him, but for me. 

To see myself in all shapes and forms, ups and downs, highs and lows. Through wins and obstacles. Through happiness and sadness, through anger and satisfaction, through fear and anxiety… to awe and amusement. And to love myself unconditionally in the midst of all that. 

The moment I recognized who I truly am—accepted, nourished, nurtured, and cared for this immensely beautiful, amazingly complex being—I learned to give and receive the love I deserve and value. 

The one that watched me grow, from being madly committed to another to crumbling in the face of devastating heartache, and eventually blooming to expansive divine feminine energy. Seeing me at my worst and my best. And choosing me in a heartbeat, without hesitation or regret.

The one that adored every fraction, every nuance, every nook and cranny, every fiber of my soul from the first day. Never failing to express utmost affection and devotion. Wanting, longing, and yearning with absolute sincerity.

The one that lets me be – no pretenses or best foot forwards or any other convoluted dating bullshit. Where I stay as I am unapologetically and where I seek to be better inspiringly.

The one that shows up for me loudly and proudly. Without me ever having to ask. A constant comparable to the sun and the moon: rising with me each day and night, illuminating with a clear light–simply, as it is.

The one that makes me smile and giggle in the most unimaginable and unexpected ways. Keeping it fun and playful, light and breezy–like a carefree day at the beach.

Soaking up the sun and waves like time doesn’t exist. Does it, even? When it’s this easy–oh so beautifully and wonderfully easy. With my best friend, lover, confidant, and soulmate. 

The one that lingers with a steady spark of passion and desire. Through the mess, through the flaws, through the mundane–through it all. That solid fire, no matter how small or big, carries on relentlessly and blithely–naturally. Like it’s oxygen. The bare minimum. Whilst peppering thoughtful surprises along the way.

The one that breathes ease and peace. Creating an expansive space full of unwavering support–for dreams, aspirations, and everything in between. Offering effortless comfort when I didn’t know I needed it. A sacred sanctuary that heals and reassures. Home – in every sense of the word.

The one that dives deep into the depths of my being, unearthing treasure trove upon treasure trove–traits, attributes, facets, and sides I had no knowledge of, which I only came to discover with and continue to explore with him, all in the lens of pure intimacy.

An intimacy that understands without judgement. Accepts without conditions. Cares and cherishes without limits.

The one that gets better with every moment–elevating and transcending. To the point where I briefly questioned: How in the world is this possible? IS it possible?? WHY is it possible???

Only to realize it is because of my alignment within. Centering my own wholeness, my empowerment is what makes this–and anything, truth be told–possible. Infinite and exponential.

So, I don’t wonder. Not anymore. What it would be like to be with the right person.

Because I know.

The right person is me and him.

In the right time, at the right place.

Always and forever.

Je t’aime tres fort. ❤️